As I write the words in this and the next paragraph, it is April 1, 2020. What follows is a post that I drafted in The Long, Long Time Ago. Which is to say, in February. I was about to finish it up and post it, but then COVID-19 got all up in our faces. And the United States full-on FREAKED OUT! I’m not saying it’s bad we FREAKED OUT! Quite the contrary. We appear to be moving in the right direction vis-à-vis the virus. But part of the FREAKING OUT! involved social distancing. And so it felt wrong to publish this post. Not to mention that the sentiment set forth was irrelevant for the time.
But now that most of us have been isolated in very small worlds, and a great many people (including me) are experiencing some measure of stir-craziness, I thought I’d publish this not so much to express the sentiment but to inject some hope. At least for me. I look forward to the day when social distancing is a thing of the past and we again can congregate and have wonderful experiences, and even awkward ones.
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If social entertaining were a competition, The Missus’ parents would be playing to crush the competition. They entertain A LOT.
Of course, I’m not sure if there are any formal rankings for this. Probably not. But if there were, I’m pretty sure they’d be in first place. They are incredibly gracious and accommodating hosts. Steeped in this environment, The Missus — who herself plays “being social” to win — likewise looks for opportunities to entertain at our place.
Home on the range
I didn’t grow up in a family that entertained all the time (tho we did host small groups occasionally) like the Missus’. But my grandparents were regular dinner guests. So I look back on the time growing up in my home much, I think, like The Missus looks back at hers: a warm and inviting place where we and any guests felt welcome. . . . And also the place where I plotted to establish a rival government of the country of Tuvalu. (As I’ve said before, don’t ask. Please . . . don’t ask.). But I digress.
When The Missus and I moved in together, we rented a smallish one-bedroom apartment in the city. There was enough space in the “dining area” — if one could call it that — only for a small table to eat at. After living there for about a year, we bought a condo. Among the items high on our list for a place was a formal dining room or a space to put a 10- to 12-person dining room table, which I consider standard size. We wanted not only to be able to entertain a decent number of people, but to have our guests be comfortable.
We also wanted a new(er) construction place. What we found was that most new(er) construction places looked nice, but almost without fail had no dining room. In most cases, they didn’t even have a place for a standard-size dining room table. We considered ourselves pretty normal buyers, not looking for anything highly unusual, so we were confused. Surely, we asked our realtor, you are showing us outlier places. “No,” she sniffed, “It’s just that buyers nowadays don’t want what you want.”
We were surprised. But even more, we were disappointed. After all, entertaining is a core part of who we are, and we thought we were like everyone else.
Eventually, we found a place that ticked off all our boxes, including, of course, ample space for the standard-size dining room table and to entertain in general. All of the places we’ve lived in since also have had space to comfortably entertain.
So happy, together
Why am I writing about entertaining on a blog pretenting to be ostensibly focused on personal finance and FIRE? That’s a good question. Well, it’s because frequently entertaining — as opposed to, by default, going out to eat/for drinks/to some paid-ticket event — not only allows us to invite friends and family into our home and often have more meaningful, relaxed experiences than were we to do those other things, but also to not mindlessly spend money.
Inevitably, our invitees insist on bringing some food or drink. While I instinctively recoil at such such requests (growing up, we never asked, nor expected, guests to bring anything and, for me, being a good host means we supply everything), I’ve learned to grin and bear it. I suppose the silver lining is that our costs of entertaining are lowered accordingly.
I’m also writing this post with some measure of disappointment. Like I mentioned, entertaining often allows us to have more meaningful, relaxed experiences than might be had from other, more expensive get-togethers. I think others who rarely or never entertain would find the same. And so, there’s a lot of wasted money and foregone great experiences.
Of course, going out and sharing more expensive experiences outside the home can be great. I’m not at all saying that those be cut out of one’s life. Not at all. I’m just suggesting that there are highly worthwhile — and often better — alternatives. Similar to what I said in my post, “Food for Thought,” about dining at home as a family, try entertaining at home more often. You just might find that you benefit from it as much as we do. And you’ll save a buck or a hundred.
And if you’re not like me and George Costanza, you’ll save even more money.
