Are You Trapping Yourself?

I have mixed feelings about LinkedIn, “the professional social network.” On one hand, it’s a potential time-suck useful tool for networking and finding out more about companies, jobs, and people. But on the other hand, it’s a platform for peacocks, humblebraggers, and brownnosers. So, I generally take items that pop up in my LinkedIn feed with a healthy grain of salt . . . and try to keep my eye rolling to a minimum.

A lot of LinkedIn posts can be categorized into one of several broad groupings. For example, there’s the “look-what-I-did/am-doing!” post. And the “look-who-joined-my-organization!” post. And the “read-this-inspiring-(leadership-related)-quote!” post. And so on.

Work out

But another category of post I look at with some sense of bemusement. It’s the “I-did-something-completely-nonwork-related-and-I-really-loved-it” post. These often focus on some great and/or relaxing vacation that the writer took and report that getting away from the workplace was soooo fantastic! Invariably, they end with some sort of remark that doing this more often, if not regularly, would be great! . . . and probably help the person become a better worker.

My observant Dear Readers keeping score at home may point out that this type of post probably is a mix of peacocking and humblebragging, perhaps with a dash of a brownnosing. And they would be right. Because I have the most observanterest, smarterest Dear Readers. But for our purposes, Dear Reader, let’s consider this sort of LinkedIn post as a unique type.

These posts vary in the intensity with which the writer appears to long for more of that nonwork time. But it’s always clear that the person experienced unbridled joy during his or her time off.

On one end of the spectrum of these writers are those who say something like “I enjoyed being away and now my batteries are recharged and I’m ready to get back to work and crush it with renewed intensity and fresh ideas!” I always assume that these people are blowing (at least some) smoke. After all, maybe some of us would prefer to be beholden to a job (even, perhaps, if self-employed) and/or putting in long workweeks—week after week and year after year—instead of hiking a mountain, seeing amazing works of art, lounging on a beautiful beach, or spending time on ourselves and/or loved ones. But probably not many of us.

On the other end are the people who you can tell want, if not desperately need, more time to focus on themselves and/or loved ones. I suspect that many of them are, at best, mildly content with their jobs and maybe completely miserable. In any event, I’m reasonably certain that their lives would be dramatically improved by a change allowing them to focus less on work(ing) and more on themselves and/or loved ones.

Focus on the family

A while back, I read a LinkedIn post written by someone we’ll call “Linky.” Because I’m creative like that. Linky related how she left her office at the end of one recent workday and then did something completely different for her: spent time working out and, after that, doing things solely focused on her very young child. The time she’d taken to do these things amounted to three hours. And then—and only then, thank you very much!, implied Linky—did Linky go back to her laptop at home to do more work.

Linky then lamented that people often think of the three-hour work-free stretch she had as “unproductive.” Linky added that she felt a little guilty and pressured not to use the time as she did, but had decided to look at the time as an investment in herself and her family. . . . Then Linky hedged. She ended her post by stating that she viewed the time investment as helping her become better at working/professionally.

My initial reaction after reading this post was somewhat critical. Along the lines of: How sad it is, Linky, that your priorities are (or have been) so warped. You should put focusing on yourself and time with your family ahead of succeeding at work.

Then I caught myself. My initial reaction was unfair. My feeling toward Linky then changed to one of pity.

Out of focus

I think it’s incredibly unfortunate that people so often let their work—often taking the form of a job that the person doesn’t love, if not dislikes or outright hates—always dictate their lives. As opposed to being, by default, guided by their own personal needs and their loved ones’ needs, with work defaulting to a secondary focus, even if it sometimes takes precedence. Seems to me this ought to be reversed.

Look, I get it. For many people, if they’re not working, they might not be able to put food on the table. So for these people, thinking that they need to keep their job at all costs seems intuitive. I was there for many years.

And others may have put a lot of time, effort, and money into getting their job or entering their profession/field. So losing it would be awful, if not mentally devastating. I’m a bit familiar with this, too.

And sure, there are people who live to work and for whom working in their jobs is core to who they are. I don’t necessarily begrudge them that, even if I hope that they consider(ed) the impact of that on loved ones impacted by that workaholism.

But I’d venture to say that a lot of people who long to break the cycle of feeling (being?) trapped by work have trapped themselves. Maybe they need to maintain too-expensive lifestyles. Or they know that they could make the mental break, but lack the confidence to do so. Or they don’t see anyone else who’s not similarly trapped and so assume that their situation is perfectly normal and that that’s just the way things are. Or they don’t even know that they can make a change.

I got the strong impression that Linky’s one of those people. But being so wrapped up in a job that she (it very much appeared) felt guilty about working out and focusing on her young kid for a few scant hours after the traditional workday seems to me to indicate a severe problem. A severe problem that demands addressing.

FIRE safety

I think that many people who feel this chronic guilt and stress and inability to rid themselves of it could benefit immensely by the knowledge of, appreciation for, and pursuit of FIRE. If Linky’s even ever heard of FIRE, I’m thinking that she’s either never adequately explored how she might achieve it, or dismissed it out of hand as pure crazy talk.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: merely pursuing FIRE should inspire confidence and bring about increasing—and increasingly favorable—options. Like being able to take a take three post-traditional-work-day hours to focus exclusively on one’s health and loved ones. And to not feel guilty about, or stressed by, doing so. And achieving FIRE? Well, now we’re really talkin’.

I thought about sending Linky a message introducing her to/telling her to read about FIRE. But I haven’t. Mainly because I don’t personally know Linky. Her message was one that I discovered only because some mutual contact of Linky’s and mine “liked” her post. But maybe I will send her some information. It might just change her life.

And in the end . . .

Dear Reader, like I mentioned, sometimes we’re trapped by work and can’t easily get out of the situation. But, regardless, I think anyone who feels trapped this way can benefit from a change in mindset. Sometimes escaping is much easier than it might seem.