Clear and Present

I FIRE’d for lotsa reasons. Most are the same as those for many others in the FIRE community. To not have to work (for someone else). To have control of my schedule. To be able to focus on leisure and health as much as I wanna. And so on. 

No one reason seemed particularly more important than the others for me. But I recently realized that I shoulda considered one reason paramount above all others: to be able to be (fully) present at just about any event I feel important. 

I’ll explain.

Don’t shoot!

Sadly, as at repulsively large number of schools across the United States, our kids’ school has experienced significant gun violence. Sickening? You betcha. Scary? Oh yeah.

At our kids’ school, this year has been a particularly awful one in that regard. But green shoots of change have emerged.

For one thing, our kids and many others in the school and across the district have gotten angry, motivated, and active in trying to effect positive change. I’m absolutely giddy to report that they’ve had no small measure of success. Parents also are far more motivated and active than before. I’m one of them.

All of this activity requires action. Sometimes that can be done remotely. 

But other times bodies present and accounted for are essential. Such as in marches. Or at school or district meetings open to the public. Or cornering and lobbying legislators in person in government buildings. And so on. 

I was reminded of this recently when I attended a weekly meeting of a new school safety group. The meeting took place midmorning on a weekday. The speakers were impressive, and several reporters were present. While the number of parents/caregivers of the students in our kids’ school numbers in the thousands—the vast majority of whom are hopping mad about violence and safety-related issues—only about 15 of them attended the meeting. 

I was proud to be present and counted. But as I stood there, I thought not only how sad it was that more concerned parents/caregivers weren’t present, but that the reason that that was the case was probably to a person that the parent/caregiver was working and “couldn’t” take time off to attend the meeting 

Truth told, many concerned parents/caregivers surely could have taken time off, but did their own cost-benefit analysis and decided not to. Heck, absent having FIRE’d, I’m not sure if I’d have been there, even if I did have a lot of autonomy because I worked from home. 

Like I mentioned, sometimes physical presence matters. These meetings are among those instances.

Milestone markers

I’ve also had the chance to be physically present for recent milestones for Thing One (The Elder) and Thing Two (The Younger). Thing One’s milestone entailed (or at least greatly benefited from) lots of shuttling and showing up on weekdays. Thing One had a blast.

Thing Two’s milestone was an out-of-state tournament. On short notice, I decided to book a flight to the tournament, where I got to watch Thing Two and his amazing team in an incredible competition. Thing Two had an invaluable experience. And to boot, he said several times how happy my presence made him. 

Sure, I could’ve arranged to have had the time off from work to have done all these things while I was working. But it’d all but certainly have required a lot of shuffling of my schedule and planning. 

Put another way, it’d have meant my acknowledging that work was just about as important as attending to my kids, and that to abandon it demanded the utmost care and attention. 

But I know—and you probably do, too—that that’s baloney. 

Showing up for your loved ones is paramount. Always has been. Always will be. 

Sure, keeping one’s job is important. But it’s sad that for many, the default thinking is: (1) do I have to be physically present for my loved one’s event? and (2) if yes, how can I minimize the impact on my work/work life? 

Having FIRE’d, I had none of these concerns. It was every bit as good as you might imagine. 

And in the end . . . 

I’m proud to have been at almost every important event my kids have ever been a part of. Recitals, school events, birthdays, etc. But there’s a fine line between being present and supportive and being overbearing and an embarrassment. Thankfully, that type of helicopter parenting has never been my thing.