Don’t Turn Gift Horses Into Glue

For entirely justifiable reasons, no one has ever called me the brightest light in the toolbox. Or the sharpest tool in the cookie jar. Or the smartest cookie in the shed. Yet here I sit stand, in an incredibly a fortunate situation. 

Ain’t it just my luck?

As I recently quipped about myself to someone, “I’m dumb as a box of rocks. But I’m incredibly lucky.” That’s because although lady luck has had a habit of visiting me at wholly unpredictable times, she’s shown up regularly. I don’t think I’m any sort of outlier in these experiences. But, in any event, and to mix metaphors, I’m not one to look a gift horse in the mouth.

Maybe lady luck has presented me with gift horses more frequently than others. But I don’t think it’s too many more times. 

And maybe those gift horses have been bigger than some for other folks. But I think that to some extent my good fortune is the result of the compounding effect of taking advantage of lucky breaks rather than getting a few more huge breaks than others. 

That’s not at all to discount the outsized benefits I reaped by the luck of being born with my health and physical characteristics in the United States, having grown up with parents who cared for me, and having a natural curiosity about things and at least some self-motivation. People born without some or all of those things can be behind the eight ball their whole lives. Getting in front of it can be exceptionally difficult if not impossible. My heart goes out to them.

But for me and most other people, I think that lady luck presents us with gift horses from time to time and that if we make the most of one, that can make for the next to have an outsized beneficial effect. 

Volunteer days

I thought about this recently because of a situation I encountered in a volunteering gig that I’m involved with. First some context. One of my goals for when I FIRE’d was to do volunteer work. I’d long wanted to volunteer while working full time but always put it off. Actually, If I’m being honest with myself, I just didn’t prioritize it. After all, I believe that you prioritize what you prioritize.  Once I FIREd, it was time to put up or shut up. 

Specifically, I’m helping high schoolers with academics and navigating life and the next phases of their lives. 

To be blunt, these kids didn’t enjoy all the luck that I did the moment that I entered the world. They aren’t luckless, mind you. Far from it in fact. Just not as lucky as me. 

And while it’s entirely possible that I had more or better luck than they did by the time I was their age, the programs that I’m involved with each are undeniably a huge break for them.  

The kids I help are healthy, bright, and not at all (or not entirely) unmotivated. They have unlimited potential and have the ability and tools to enjoy wild success in life. The programs that I’m involved with can and should be a massive accelerator to help them on their happy way. 

Even the kids unlucky enough to get paired with a dolt like me should benefit greatly. What I lack in smarts, I make up for a bit with the cautionary tales that I tell experience. And I’m pretty persistent in holding people to account.

Dis’ appointment is no good

But one of the kids I work with has disappointed me. He just stopped showing up for our times together. Many times without even telling me that he’d be absent. Meaning that I’ve had to trek to the volunteering location and wait in vain. 

I agree with Woody Allen’s observation that 80% of life is just showing up. If this kid just did that simple thing, it’d be a different story.

So, this kid’s likely to miss out on all the immediate, longer-term, and compounding benefits he potentially can realize by his active participation in the program.

One time that I waited for my kid to show up, I got to talking to another volunteer who was waiting (it turned out in vain for him, too) for the kid he works with. Unlike me, this other volunteer objectively is a rock star. A genuinely nice and driven fella, educated at fine universities, and now a C-suite executive at a public company. After our discussion, I wanted to trade places with the kid he works with. Just the connections alone that this guy likely could provide could be with their weight in gold. I’ve no doubt that he can pave a path for the kid he works with to be on a fast and more secure and lucrative track to a successful life. 

Yet the kid he works with is flaky, too. I don’t know their relationship well enough to know whether the kid eventually will get on the ball and capitalize upon the tremendous good fortune he has by having access to this guy. But the signs aren’t good. Worse, the kid’s ability to benefit from this guy might never even materialize. That’s because this guy is fast souring on the kid and the program and may soon leave the program altogether.

Sadly, I find myself feeling the same as this guy.

These kids I’ve mentioned seem to be content with—or at least blasé about—looking gift horses in the mouth.

What a shame. 

Lucky strikes

Ironically, I also recently learned the story of a person who I work with at my part-time gig. Born in a desperately poor, war-torn country, she and her family moved at age five to a refugee camp in an even poorer (tho more stable) country. At age nine, she and her family moved to the United States. 

If I’m sorely disappointed by the kids I mentioned above, I’m amazed by this person I work with. I mean, talk about having the odds stacked against you the moment you’re born, but nonetheless taking advantage of lucky breaks and succeeding! If ever there was a person who was in that situation, it was this coworker of mine. 

First, she benefitted by her parents, who clearly cared for her, were resourceful, and had (or improvised) a plan to get somewhere better. Those were lucky breaks. 

Then she made the most of her lucky breaks. She succeeded academically and in all other ways in elementary, middle, and high school and eventually got what I think was a (mostly) free ride to an excellent university. 

She founded a side hustle in high school. It earned her a nice chunk of change. 

She’s working three part-time gigs to earn money . . . while also taking a full load of classes in college. 

And she’s minoring in business. Because she’s smart enough even at her young age to realize that the education she receives in those classes will better enable her to open up her own business, in which she’ll do things directly related to her major. 

I should add that this person is about the nicest person on the planet and incredibly easy to talk with and down to earth. She may be 30+ years my junior, but I’m tremendously humbled by her. 

What an inspiration. 

And in the end . . .

We all of us will get lucky breaks in our lives. The key is recognizing and capitalizing on them. Regardless of where you start out. Sometimes that’s hard. Often, tho, it’s easy. And given the compounding effects of those lucky breaks, a more prosperous, joyful life can increasingly come into focus. Surprisingly fast, too, even if not necessarily tonight.