Grace Period

I’ve written quite a bit about what I hoped to do, experience, and achieve once I FIRE’d. Also, on what’s actually happened on that front. 

One thing I didn’t have on the list—in part because I didn’t think to put it there, but also because I was a little ashamed sheepish about putting it there—was to increase my capacity for extending grace to myself. 

You see, Dear Reader, while I’ve become better over the decades years at letting things roll off my back, I’m too flinty-hearted to excuse doing dumb (and, especially, stupid) things. Also, things that turned out to have had bad results, even if I had some seemingly rational basis for making the decision at the time.  

That’s helped me on the self-improvement front. Also in helping others improve themselves. But it’s a somewhat exhausting and unsatisfactory way to live day to day. Hence my quest for self-change. 

Peekaboo! I see you!

For more than a year, this thought lay somewhat dormant in my empty head tiny brain. But I recently read a post on LinkedIn in which a woman penned a forceful I-see-you piece about service providers who are parents with young kids. Raising young kids is hard, she said matter-of-factly. Very hard. Full stop. She then asserted that clients and customers must assume that any of their service providers who have young kids have their hands full. Because that’s a safe assumption to make. All . . . The . . . Time. And that therefore clients and customers must extend grace to them. Because if anyone’s deserving of grace, those parent service providers are.

Having parented two young kids, I read this post and screamed whispered a heartfelt “Amen, sister!” I’ve long believed that for the vast majority of childless adults, there’s an entire realm of the human experience they don’t, and can’t, understand. Steam shoots out of my ears like water from Old Faithful when I hear stories about some childless boss (sometimes intentionally) making his or her parent employees’ or clients lives miserable. 

The post reminded me of my desire to extend grace to myself. I resolved to make real efforts toward progress. 

So far, so goodish. Here are some examples—if small ones—of some progress I’ve made.

Travel bugged

I’ve saved plenty of money by travel hacking over the last several years. But during that time, I’ve read plenty of posts about others’ travel hacks that make most of mine look like mere beginner’s play. My all-time favorite is the first item on this list. 

Reading these posts has often left me feeling like a mere piker in the travel-hacking game. And jealous (even if a little motivated). I’ve beaten myself up about not being able to do the same, too. 

Now, I’m extending myself some grace. 

First, I recognize that not only have I saved lotsa monies by travel hacking. And even if I’d saved only $1 by this practice, it’d have been a worthwhile effort. 

Second, I’ve had some legit big wins. My biggest travel hack not only still brings a big smile to my face years later but likely sped our path to FIRE by at least several months. A second big win was a short-notice trip I recently arranged for The Missus and Thing One (The Elder) that included round-trip flights out of state, plus two nights hotel accommodations. Our out-of-pocket expenses essentially were a mere pittance. Like my biggest travel hack, it too will have yyyuuuge knock-on savings. I also recently saved up to $2,000 (maybe more) on a big trip that Thing One and I will soon take. All told, not shabby.

So, I gave myself a hearty pat on the back and congratulated myself on a job pretty well done. 

A sherpa thing

Many in the FIRE community have high savings rates. Like nosebleed heights high. Fifty percent rates! Sixty percent rates!! Seventy percent rates!!!. Eighty percent rates!!! Ninety percent rates!!!!!

Me and The Missus? Not so much. I think the best we ever managed was around 25–30%. And even that we only managed for a few years. “Child’s play,” I can hear myself a lot of people saying. 

I long lamented this state of affairs. No more so than each time I read Saving Sherpa’s monthly budget reviews. He’s an amazing and inspirational optimizer. 

But, thinking about this recently, I extended grace to myself. First, saving and investing anything is at least a small accomplishment, even if I think it’s merely table stakes. Saving and investing to the extent we did is a far greater one. 

We also all along had two kids and certain unavoidable and substantial fixed expenses that couldn’t be hacked down. Many super savers/investors (including Saving Sherpa), on the other hand, are childless and in good health. 

Next, although our savings/investing rate wasn’t eye-poppingly high, it came off of sizable income for many years. So, the number of dollars saved and invested was pretty high. We also had the huge tail winds of a bull run. 

And, last, I not only was able to FIRE, I was able to do so at age 50, less than six years after discovering FIRE. That’s nothing to sneeze at. And I know it.

The kids are alright

Last, my mind turned to the LinkedIn post topic. Raising young kids, then older ones to the point where they leave the nest happyish and in good health takes commitment and work. Lots of both. While I’m not likely to win any Father of the Year awards, and I think nature is at least as important as nurture in determining anyone’s success, my kids are pretty darned awesome if I don’t say so myself. 

Thing One is sharp as a tack, empathetic, high-achieving, and self-disciplined. She’s also identified and is pursuing a career path that’s likely to be rewarding in every sense. 

Thing Two (The Younger) is as focused and self-assured a person as you’re likely to ever meet. I wish I had that focus and confidence when I was his age. Heck, I wish I had it now. 

So, sure, I’m sure I did yeoman’s work in screwing these kids up. But the effects weren’t so great as to result in them being less than wonderful, well-functioning human beings.

And for all the work and constant nerve jangling that comes with raising kids, I (knock wood) and The Missus are in reasonably good health. And our marriage is decades strong. I guess I and we have done OK.

And in the end . . . 

So, Operation Extend More Grace to Myself is going OK. Even if I’m anything but graceful otherwise.