How to Run a Crappy Business and Piss People Off

Those who know me personally would probably universally agree that I am a cynic, with a natural tendency to not just see the glass as half-empty as opposed to half-full, but maybe empty instead of half-empty. I do not project that on this blog. Or at least I’ve tried not to.

Rather, I try to squeeze every ounce out of the small and severely neglected always-look-on-the-bright-side-of-life part of my personality that I can muster. As I’m also a grizzled curmudgeon in addition to being a cynic, that’s painfully difficult for me not always easy for me to do. But, I think I’m doing better than I’d have expected.

That’s in part because I know that my complaints generally are trivial and don’t amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. So, why bother you, Dear Reader, about them. But also because I’ve made a conscious effort to avoid blogging about them.

So, Dear Reader, now you know the dirty little secret about your humble blogger: that his arms are easily flung skyward. And the day that the inspiration for this post came, memories of certain situations that make them fly up high and fast enough as to almost detach from my shoulders came flooding into my otherwise empty head.

And about this, I thought I’d scribble some thoughts.

Going off

The root cause of my frustration was about as trivial as it gets that my smartphone all of a sudden turned off for no reason and would not turn back on. The phone is only about a year old and has been treated with care under my watch. So, there was no apparent explanation for the problem. Ultimately, after contacting my phone manufacturer’s customer service “department” (which followed a fair amount of wait time, some rerouting of my calls, and discussions with persons who were a bit difficult for me to understand due to their heavy accents) I was walked through doing a factory reset, and the phone then started working again.

Now, as it turned out, my phone didn’t “break,” per se. That said, I’m not yet convinced that the success of the factory reset will last. In any event, this incident—as minor as it was—reminded me of the many truly awful experiences I’ve had with other business’ goods or services.

You get what you get, and you will get upset

There are a bazillion businesses out there. Most, I’m sure, provide useful goods and services. Their management and staff no doubt try very hard to do right by their customers/clients.

And then there are those that don’t. Or won’t. Or don’t care.

Some of these latter businesses survive despite any logical explanation that I can discern. Others, perhaps, have enough customers/clients who don’t care (enough) that they’re treated as a necessary inconvenience.

These are crappy businesses, even if they do/provide some good. And they do a mighty job of pissing off customers/clients.

Breaking bad

For example, companies that make products specifically designed to die or break well before they reasonably should, but which (based on standard available materials and/or technology at the time of manufacture) could have been made longer-lasting at no meaningful extra expense to the business. A famous example is incandescent light bulbs. I’ve read the same about computers and all manner of electronics.

Relatedly, and ironically, Dear Reader, on the day that the inspiration for this blog post came to me, the stars must have aligned. Because this excellent episode of the podcast Planet Money dropped on that day. It addresses the practice of printer manufacturers sabotaging their own printers. It’s worth a listen. Be prepared to get upset.

I think, too, of many airlines. On one side are airlines that offer the customer good service and flexibility, and those that offer fares well below those of competitors. Many of those ultra-low-fare airlines deliver little (other than safe passage to and from the destination), but they also promise little, so buyers shouldn’t be surprised by the price-for-everything approach. But on the other side are airlines that don’t offer smile-inducing fares, that cram as many seats and bodies onto their planes as is possible, and that offer no superior (or even good) customer service or policies.

These businesses thinking, I assume, is that the customer will be forced to buy more of the manufacturer’s products, or to keep using the service provider. It’s probably a sound bet that the buyer will purchase the product or service. But, I think it’s a questionable bet that they’ll buy from the same business.

Speaking for myself, when I find that a product I’ve bought—especially if it cost a few hundred or thousand dollars—dies or breaks well before it was all but promised or reasonably expected to, the manufacturer’s brand is at least diminished in my mind. In some cases, the brand will be dead to me altogether. Ditto for service providers whose service is inferior or turns out to be useless.

No amount of persuasion is likely to get me to buy anything from these businesses again. Maybe not even any amount of logic, either. I’m sure that I’m not alone.

And while I might move from Brand X to Brand Y after having a bad experience with Brand X, others might migrate in the reverse direction. So, to some extent the market waters are just sloshing back and forth.

OK. But that still means that customers are leaving Brand X or Y. If I’m running a business, I’m happy to welcome customers, but loathe to lose any. Especially in a competitive market.

Press “1” for frustration or “2” for consternation

Something else that triggers my forceful arm-flinging is poor customer service. Now, I understand that customer service is a rough gig. It can be expensive, and if there are actual human customer service representatives, I’m sure that many of them become jaded as a result of dealing with angry people all day, every working day.

But being able to provide useful customer service is a necessity for all businesses. That’s just the way it is. A business can try to lower the cost of the customer service provided. But it can’t—or shouldn’t—avoid it altogether.

And yet, far too many businesses treat customer service as a second-semester high school senior treats homework. It’s there. And it probably needs to get done. But only minimal effort will be put into it. And as for quality, don’t get your hopes up.

Sometimes, this results in the customer/client going through a time- and soul-sucking loop of phone prompts, with no human to help, or to resolve the issue. Other times, maybe the customer/client gets a human being on the phone (or via web chat), but that person either is of no practical help, or needs to transfer the customer/client to a different person or department within the company. And maybe that different person or department ends up being the wrong place. Yet other times, the phone or chat session gets dropped upon transfer. That’s fun, right? Especially after a long wait to get to a human being in the first place.

This always upsets me. In no small part because I’ve dealt with many businesses that have good customer service and so I have something to measure the bad businesses against. Some of those businesses with good customer service are massive, too. So, poor customer service can’t be blamed (to the extent blaming is acceptable at all) on the fact that a business is big and complex. Heck, if anything, big businesses should have the resources to provide even better customer service than the competition. As with products that break too soon or service rendered that turned out to be worthless, when I experience that bad customer service, the business’ brand is diminished, or dead, to me.

Goodbye and don’t fare well

Regardless of the fact that these rotten businesses remain going concerns, and even if (very) profitable, I maintain that they’re myopic.

In addition to me not giving any more money to business that did a poor job in my eyes, I’m also likely to tell others about my bad experience or to ward people away from those business if asked for my thoughts on them. I don’t do Yelp!, and am not one to leave comments about businesses on their webpages, so my impact is pretty limited. But there are plenty of people who love nothing more than broadcasting their fury frustration as loudly and broadly as they can. Hell apparently hath no fury like a heavy-social-media user customer/client scorned.

I think that these businesses also plant and sow the seeds of their destruction. Customers/clients who have no reason to remain loyal to a business won’t. For example, in the case of airlines, I’ve stopped flying certain brands altogether.

Great expectations

Dear Reader, I have my own company. And I can tell you, I’ll bend over backward to ensure that I deliver excellent work product, no matter the project’s size or importance. I’ll perform similar acrobatics to deliver excellent customer service.

As it’s turned out, my clients have been loyal. Maybe they would have been even if I’d not tried as hard as I have. But I doubt it. And, in any event, I’ve never been tempted to take the chance.

So, maybe my expectations for other businesses are unrealistically high. But I don’t think so. To my mind, any business offering a good or service should strive for superiority in every instance and stand behind their goods or services. For yours truly, although my loyalty is hard to earn, once earned, it is pretty hard to lose.

And in the end . . .

Dear Reader, thanks for indulging me in this rant. Especially if you take issue with all any of my points. I suspect at least some Dear Readers are likely to disagree with me as to my tolerance—and even appreciation for—the ultra-budget airlines. I get it.