Message Received

As I covered in excruciating detail in my “Money, Man” series of posts, ever since I was a wee lad, I’ve had a scarcity mindset. I admit that with neither shame nor pride. It’s just a matter of fact. 

On the plus side, that’s meant that I’m capable of being pretty ruthless with my finances and have avoided or mitigated money crunches my whole life. I’ve certainly never experienced a full-on or prolonged money crisis. 

Dark matter

But there’s a dark side, too. I’ve long recognized this, but my attempts to fully overcome it have been in vain. Specifically, I’ve never really been able to spend freely and joyously. Both before I gained a decent measure of financial security, and afterward.

There are at least two awful effects that come from this. First, I can’t even remember the last time I fully gave into the moment and didn’t think of the financial implications of whatever it was that I was doing. If comparison is the thief of joy, this scarcity mindset is the murderer of joy.

And second, I’ve many times either not allowed joyous moments to occur, or strangled them in their cradle. That is, I either forewent spending money that’d all but certainly have produced joy, or held off on spending all the money necessary to allow its full flowering. 

I am my own most ruthless critic. So, it shouldn’t be any surprise that I’ve long beaten myself up about all this. And vowed, like an addict looking to kick his bad habit, to do better next time, if not resolve the issue completely. 

I’ve failed. 

This desire to do better has come from within, for sure. But also from reading the experience-based, sound advice of others who’ve had the same experiences or who know well the negative effects and have no use for them.

A loud voice among those folks is Ramit Sethi’s. If you don’t know Ramit, you should get acquainted with him. He’s whip-smart and a fantastic writer, podcaster, and thinker. His content is spot-on, clear, and chock full of excellent and easy-to-implement advice. And he constantly beats the drum of “you should spend your money on what you care about freely and remorselessly!”

Each time I’ve received the message from him I’ve beaten myself up a little more and vowed to do better. 

Game, Sethi, match

And each time I’ve failed.

The reason, as best I can figure, is that I’m receiving Ramit’s message as almost shaming me. And for something that’s so hardwired into me and thus incredibly hard to shake. 

Maybe you (and Ramit) don’t understand that. Or maybe you think it should be easier to overcome this condition than I’m making it out to be. I get that. 

But it is what it is. 

Or maybe it has been what it has been. Because I think that I recently found a more effective messenger of this same message: Jordan Grumet (aka Doc G). 

Doctor’s (suggested) orders

Jordan is a longtime blogger and podcaster in the FIRE world. Currently, he hosts the Earn & Invest Podcast, which I think is the best FIRE-focused podcast going. 

Jordan recently published a book, “Taking Stock: A Hospice Doctor’s Advice on Financial Independence, Building Wealth, and Living a Regret-Free Life.” In it, he essentially delivers the same message as Ramit: spend your money on what you care about freely and remorselessly! I’ve listened to several interviews of Jordan following the book release, and since have read his book. 

And something funny seems to have happened. Whereas the message from Ramit has been very hard for me to actually accept, that from Jordan hasn’t. 

Part of the reason is delivery for sure. Ramit is blunt. But he also spends little time and energy validating the nonspender’s feelings/mental roadblocks (tho I’m sure he acknowledges them; I mean, he’s not a jerk). 

Jordan, on the other hand, frames his argument almost as saying that while one needs to be financially prudent and that FI is an invaluable tool allowing one to spend freely on things worth spending money on, if you don’t use money as freely as you should, you’ll miss out on moments that can never be recovered. 

I’ve heard that message before. But this time I really, truly absorbed it. Maybe not for the reasons you might think tho. 

That is, one might think that I regret missing out on experiences I might’ve had but for not spending money that I could have. And yes, I admit that I do feel some remorse in that respect. 

But a far more powerful reason that the message as delivered by Jordan resonated with me like never before is that feel like I was so selfish and stupid in being so focused on reaching FIRE that I prevented others from experiencing moments that they otherwise would have. And that fills me with tremendous guilt.

I find myself dwelling on the fact that had I slowed my roll, we’d still have reached FI. A little later maybe (and even that’s highly debatable because depending upon how I calculate our numbers, we could have been considered FI a few years ago), but still. And The Family and I (and others in our orbit) could have been able to have any number of magical moments and memories that can never be gotten back. 

Like taking the kids to an expensive theme park at the age when it’d have meant the world to them and they’d have remembered the experience for a lifetime. Or going on more date nights with The Missus, who’s long pined for that. Or gifting or giving charitable contributions more generously. And so on. 

Regrets? Yeah, I’ve had a few.

Take a vow

So, I made a vow to myself after reading Jordan’s book: I’m going to try—really and sincerely try— far harder than I ever have to spend money more freely and remorselessly. 

It won’t be easy. A few things should be very helpful, tho. First is my newfound resolve. Before, I talked a good game. But if I’m being honest with myself, my heart and mind weren’t aligned on taking action. Now, however, I genuinely want to see results. 

Second, while our investments have, to date, taken a beating this first year of my post-FIRE life, I’m going to have earned more money than I expected this year (more on that in a later post). This has had a few effects. For one thing, it’s likely to result in us not only not having to take the planned for 4% of our investments to live off of this year, but not having to have take one penny from those investments this year. Also, because I’ll not only have reached my stretch goal for 2022 income, but exceeded it, I feel like I’m playing with house money. As a result, I find myself in the strange position of thinking that I need to spend that money. 

Third, Thing One (The Elder) is going to college soon. My remaining days with her under our roof full-time are precious few now. I need to savor each one of them. Where spending money will help that happen, I need to spend money. And while Thing Two (The Younger) is a few years younger, the day that he’ll fly the coop isn’t too far off either. 

And last, while I and The Missus thankfully have our health today, we’re not getting any younger. What’s more, lord knows that The Missus has put up with a lot being married to me. If anyone deserves to be given experiences that only money can buy, it’s her. I owe her the world. 

And in the end . . . 

Dear Reader, although I intend to spend more liberally, I hope to still do so smartly. That said, I’m going to cut myself more slack in that department than I have in the past. I may even . . . *gasp* . . . waste money. I wonder if there’s an app for that.