Almost everyone I’ve talked to about the subject of FIRE—both the FI and the RE parts—has shown little if any interest. That bothers me a bit. In fact, as I recently explained, I often find it highly dispiriting.
But what’s bothered me a lot is that some people have mocked me about my FIRE plans. Made me the butt of their jokes. Even Thing One (The Elder) teased me from time to time over the years.
Surprised party
I recently told the kids of my impending plan to FIRE at the end of the year. Thing One and Thing Two (The Younger) both were very surprised. In large part because what I plan to do is, frankly, pretty radical. Conceptually, for sure. Although they’re just teenagers, they recognize that. But also specific to me. The kids have always known dear old dad to be (too) focused on his work, so they figured that he’d always be tethered to it. That it was just the natural order of things.
They also were surprised because my announcement for the most part came out of nowhere for them. I say, “for the most part,” because I’ve talked to them about FIRE and my plans, generally, off and on for several years. I’ve also tried to get them interested in (or at least knowledgeable about) saving and investing, keeping expenses down, and being mindful and grateful, and modeled all that, too. So, they sort of knew I was doing something involving saving and investing. With some sort of end goal in mind.
But it seemed to me to be something wholly abstract to them and compartmentalized in some dark recess of their respective brains. I figure that they essentially thought that something’s afoot, didn’t know what it really was and why it was important, that dear old dad seemed to be obsessed with it, and that maybe something—whatever that “something” is—would happen sometime.
Occasionally, though, those dark recesses would open up. When that happened, the kids would sometimes mock me. Usually something along the lines of, “Oh, are you doing X because of FIRE, daaaddd?” And then they might snicker a bit.
Tumble try
Hours after I told the kids about my plan to FIRE at the end of the year, Thing One and The Missus were hanging out in Thing One’s room. The Missus later told me that Thing One said to her, “I can’t believe dad is taking a sabbatical! (I told the kids, and have told most other people to whom I say anything, that I’m taking a sabbatical, which is not false, but not entirely true). She added comments further expressing her surprise.
I smiled at hearing this story. A big, highly amused smile. Because I knew that the tumblers in Thing One’s mind had started to click into place. At the very least, what had surely been wholly abstract to her, or maybe something she thought fanciful at best or the unattainable (indeed, impossible-for-anyone-to-achieve) goal of a deluded madman, or perhaps something with no real discernable objective, became real. Very real. I suspect that the tumblers will move further into place when dear old dad is no longer working, and Thing One actually sees the manifestation of choices we’ve made.
I also sense that Thing One was thinking back to the times she mocked me. Or that she soon will do so. I suspect that she’ll have to confront in her own mind the fact that her mocking was all along based upon her willful false understanding.
Now, Thing One is just a teenager. Also, aside from some babysitting and dog sitting, she’s never had a job. At least not a formal one. Much less a career, during which she’s experienced what it’s like to work full-time, day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year, decade after decade. Her perspective naturally is limited and skewed. Her mocking therefore can be somewhat rationalized.
The adults in the room
But adult friends and family I’ve talked to over the years about FIRE and my general plans also have mocked me, too. Made me the butt of their jokes. Said things along the lines of what Thing One had said to me.
But they knew better. Or they should have. I mean, they have careers, competing obligations, and life goals that don’t include anything related to their current careers. And they’ve worked full-time for decades. And they know basic math and, in many cases, the main tenets of achieving FIRE. So, their mocking annoyed me. A lot. Notably, while some of these people like their jobs I’m all but certain most of them would be happy to call it a day and/or to be financially independent and doing something more to their liking.
Two friends I’ve told about my plans to FIRE at the end of the year have mocked me in the past. Gentle mocking, but mocking nonetheless. Since telling them, the mocking has ceased completely. I suspect they still both think I’m going to fall flat on my face and/or have to go back to a full-time-and-at-least-decently-paying job at some point. Maybe even in the first year after I FIRE. But I think they’re also secretly very interested to see if I succeed and pull it off. “It” being living and working (if and when I choose to do so) wholly on my own terms, and at least maintaining our lifestyle, if not making that lifestyle a little more lavish. And wondering if this FIRE thing is maybe real after all.
Others I’ve talked to about FIRE and of my pursuit of it have mocked me on occasion, too. Again, highly bothersome. I’m expecting that those who learn that I’m taking my “sabbatical” will be surprised. But more satisfying to me, would be that, as with Thing One, the tumblers of their brains start to move into place. And like with my two friends mentioned above, that their mocking comes to an abrupt end.
Now, this is not a vanity-based wish. I’m not looking for any of these people to start patting me on the back, or fawning over me, or begging me to tell them my “secret.” Nothing of the sort. I just want them to have to confront the fact that FIRE is, in fact, a real thing. A very real thing. And that it’s been manifested, to them, in me and what I’ll have concretely shown.
And in the end . . .
I admit, Dear Reader, that I’m also looking for two other things that, although not vanity-based I admit, are somewhat selfish. I want the mockers to reconsider their past mocking and to admit that they were wrong. I mean, sure, everyone’s got their own challenges and opportunities and personal finance is personal. But the concept of FIRE is pretty simple, and even slow, slow FIRE is doable for a lot of people (certainly almost everyone in my circle of family, friends, and colleagues). For those willing to have any sort of open mind, they’ll find that helpful information has been right there in front of them all along.
Okay, so I am SUPER upset that anyone actually mocked your FIRE goals (except for your kid… that’s what kids do, and I wouldn’t expect them to totally get it). I get not getting on board with it — to each his own — but it’s offensive to mock anyone’s goals, no matter what those goals are! And especially when your goal was so obviously a good idea. It’s like mocking someone who decides to start eating healthier. I can’t fathom why anyone would do that. Anyways, just a rant. But I do hope that a lightbulb finally turns on for those folks!
I think the issue is that their comments stem from a limited and incomplete perspective of what I’m doing, and completely not being able to see the payoff. They’re not necessarily mocking my goal, just whatever thing I did that prompted the mocking and that they perceive as “being cheap.” Or my general laser focus on saving/not needlessly spending money, including (to provide but one example) by doing such “weird” and “unconventional” things as travel hacking (paradoxically, the better/bigger my travel hack, the more likely the teasing is likely to come; the thinking presumably being that I must’ve spent a ton of time and effort to get such savings, and that I clearly must’ve gone overboard to get them). In short, the mocking is coming because they just think I’m being cheap. They’re missing a few things: (1) those savings add up in the short- and long-term, as you well explained in your last blog post (https://financialchainbreakers.com/how-we-misanalyze-indulgences/); (2) they’re only looking at one individual action that resuled in one individual saving (which might not have amounted to much in and of itself); (3) there’s also the other side of the ledger, comprising my efforts to increase my income, which they completely miss; and, most importantly (4) they’re not seeing the ultimate payoff of FI (and optional RE) well before traditional retirement age, which, I think, is because they can’t even conceive of it. That’s why when I actually make the jump at the end of the year (or, perhaps some time after that when they see that even though I have no full-time job, we’ve not gone to the poorhouse), they’re going to be totally confused and maybe they’ll start to “get it.” And, as I mentioned in my post, acknowledge that they had it wrong all along.
That makes sense. Glad they’re not mocking the goal. I am still offended that people would mock individual spending choices, although I’ve experienced plenty of it too. I know people mean well and aren’t usually trying to be haters, but I still always feel like it’s a little disrespectful on principle. You’re right though – they’re missing a lot of details that make their assessments completely wrong. I’m interested to hear if anybody admits it or inquires further all of a sudden!
Yeah, the mocking of individual spending choices is really annoying. Admimttedly, I’ve had a reputation for occasionally eccentric frugality since being buried in law school debt. However, my expenses have gone way up since then, in part because of lifestyle inflation, and in part largely unavoidable obligations. Regardless, IMHO, to each his own when it comes to not spending.
I think it’s understandable that when you choose to be a nonconforming person you’ll get pushback. We are social animals and the fact is it bothers us when someone strays from the herd. It is a sign of their compassion and their self interest both. Mocking, if you look at it from that perspective is intended to be a kindness. Push the stray back to safety. Of course I am a registered lobbyist so I can spin anything to the good or the bad. Congrats on being your own person and winning with money!
Thanks, Steve! I’d probably be more OK with the mocking if it came from a place of concern/being “bothered” that I’d strayed dangerously off in la la land and had ceased to be tethered to reality. But everyone gets what I’m doing and knows my focus on and longtime reputation for keeping my financial house in order. So, I think they’re just making fun of me “being cheap” in pursuit of some objective that they believe is not remotely attainable by those who don’t have last names like Bezos, Walton, or Vanderbilt.