Secrets and Lies

Like a lot of people who discovered FIRE and had a consequent lightbulb moment (if not immediately, then at some point), I thought everyone should and would want to know about it, too. So, I told The Missus and some friends. Then I told some colleagues and other family members.

Yay me for spreading useful, potentially life-transforming information! World . . . you are welcome.

The silent treatment

Well, it didn’t all work out like I’d assumed. Instead of being met with people saying things like, “Wow!” or, like I’d reacted, “Whoooaaa! How could I have been so ignorant for so long!  Where can I learn more?”, I got a lot of “Ohs,” and “I’ll check out those blogs and podcasts you sent me links to.” Put another way, a lot of shrugs and empty words. 

That was dispiriting. 

While my enthusiasm for FIRE, or what even the mere pursuit of FIRE can allow for, never cooled, my enthusiasm for educating other people did. Occasionally, I’d bring it up with someone I’d previously spoken with, or mention it to someone new. And I’d always be on the lookout for someone showing even an inkling of interest. But those instances were rare. I eventually all but stopped talking about it altogether, except in the exceptionally rare instances in which someone brought it up to me. Oh, and on this blog that’s visible for the whole world to see and read.

That was dispiriting. 

Meanwhile, I’ve observed family, friends, and other loved ones making financial decisions that were objectively detrimental. Or that, if the person was on the FIRE path, he or she might not have made. I bit my tongue each time.

That was dispiriting. 

Now, I don’t bother talking to people at all. I just got too frustrated at the all-but-complete lack of interest.

What’s more, I’m not even telling most people that I’m FIREing at the end of the year. And, in other cases, I’m lying about my plan. That’s a shame because I’d love to have people celebrating with me. Not that I need the validation. I don’t. Just because it’d be so much more fun to be able to share the experience with everyone I know, and maybe motivate them to do the same. 

But for many reasons, as to the vast majority of people I know, I’m staying shtum not just on FIREing, but about leaving my job and industry. As far as they’ll know, after the end of the year, nothing will have changed in my or The Family’s lives, and The Missus and I will be working until age 65. Or later. Just like everyone else. 

Jealous minds

Shtum, except as to my colleagues. By necessity, I’ve had to say something to them to explain leaving my job. What I decided to tell them is something that’s not quite untrue, but isn’t the real truth. Specifically, I said that I’m taking a sabbatical. 

When I did that, each and every one of them said they were happy for me. But then they each said this: that they were “jealous.”

So dispiriting. 

Why dispiriting for me and not amusing? Or even somewhat ego-boosting?

Here’s why. As I mentioned in my last post, from the time I first learned about FIRE, it took us five years to reach the point where I can pull the trigger. Just five years! Heck, depending upon how I want to look at it, I likely could have FIREd far earlier. Maybe by a few years. At the very least I could have taken a long mini-retirement. But I played things a bit more conservatively. Because The Missus might’ve had an aneurysm if I’d have suggested pulling the ripcord much earlier personal finance is personal.

I don’t know my colleagues’ salaries. But they work in the legal industry, so I know for sure that they’re very well compensated (insider tip: most people working in BigLaw, in any capacity, are very well compensated). Some have spouses who work, too. Knowing a decent about each colleague and their family and/or living situations, I have little doubt that most of them, were they to seriously pursue FIRE hardcore, could become financially independent within 5–10 years. Very possibly sooner, depending upon how much they’ve already saved and invested. 

I would love little more than to tell them this. And that if they just do some reading and learning, and commit to some pretty simple actions that won’t disrupt their lives much (to the extent that actions even are necessary; for all I know some might already have reached FI and not even know it) at whatever level they feel comfortable with, they can be right where I am. And no more have to be “jealous.”

Maybe I’ll try to give it one more shot. But I have no reason to believe that they’ll pay serious attention, much less take action, and I don’t want to get frustrated yet again. Instead, they’ll remain ignorant of just how close they are to being able to do what I’ll be doing.

So dispiriting. 

And in the end . . . 

As I neared the date that I decided I’d tell my colleagues that I’m bolting, I hemmed and hawed about what I’d tell them and how honest I’d be. As it turned out, I took a middle road. As mentioned, I didn’t lie, but I didn’t tell them the full truth. I think that was the right approach and I’m comfortable with it.

But it might have been a lot of fun to have lied.