Dear Reader, I’m no social media neophyte. But, I use social media platforms mostly passively. On rare occasions I’ll post something. But that’s f’sho the exception to the rule.
Why? I’ll explain.
Social occasions
First, social media can be a massive time-suck if you allow it. Especially if you’re an active user. Many social media companies’ objective is to have users spend their whole lives on the platforms. Several have done an heroic job in achieving said mission. To each his or her own, but spending inordinate amounts of time on social media platforms ain’t for me.
Second, some platforms *cough, cough Twitter and Facebook cough, cough* lend themselves to being a cesspool of hate and division (the FIRE community being a notable and welcome exception in my experience). Yeah . . . that also ain’t for me.
So, I mostly used social media platforms passively. Mostly as another sometimes useful news source at my disposal.
But even this passive use isn’t without its problematic aspects. Maybe no more so than when I see loads of inspirational quotes or admonitions in my feeds. Don’t get me wrong, I usually find those individual nuggets interesting and/or profound. Often inspiring, too. The issue for me is more the people who post nothing but these items. Several times a day. Every day. As my baseline positivity appears on its face to be far lower than that of these people, I’ve muted/unfollowed several of them. A twist on a cancel culture move? Meh. Maybe.
No can do
But my reaction is only partially a result of my lower level of positivity, and my annoyance at a daily barrage of these types of posts. It’s also because I often find myself thinking after reading one of these “you-can-do-it!,” “if-I-can-do-it-you-can-too!,” “you-should-push-yourself-to-the-limit!,” or “if-you’re-not-giving-110%-and-always-hustling-you-need-to-start-doing-so-yesterday!” posts . . . Well, let’s just say I’m thinking two words that, I can assure you, Dear Reader, are not “happy birthday.”
In many cases, it’s because I literally can’t do whatever the poster is suggesting that I can do. Maybe because of physical limitations/issues. Or because of a lack of resources. Or because I have, you know, young dependents to whom I owe a duty of care and time. Or any number of perfectly legitimate reasons.
Don’tWantavision
But recently it dawned on me why I think I have such a negative visceral reaction to a barrage of these posts. It’s because I don’t want to do whatever the poster is imploring me to do to “be a winner/more successful/stronger, healthier, and less hideous sexier.”
Spend more time each day power lifting, and upping the amount of weight and reps? Well, I’m totally down for regular exercise. But I couldn’t care less about lifting 300 lbs. or looking less like the Pillsbury Doughboy becoming completely ripped. Save 80% of my revenue/income and work tons of hours to realize more revenue/income, and find a lucrative side hustle? Wow! The math certainly checks out for whatever end goal I’m being told I should shoot for! But . . . yeah, no. I’m not at all interested in the necessary tradeoffs.
The thing that I think a lot of these people seem to completely miss is that not everyone shares their interest(s). Or, maybe much moreso, their intensity for them. So when they scream at me, or try to make me feel lesser for not doing what they’re imploring me to do (as intensively as they allegedly are) I don’t get motivated. Rather, I get upset. I’m a you-do-you kinda guy. They seem to be you-do-me kinda people.
So sure, maybe I’ll lift weights. Even increase the weight and reps over time. But benching 300 lbs. in six-rep, 10-set clips? Not interested. At all.
I’ll also shoot to save a much higher percentage of my income than your av-er-age bear, work hard in my job, and seek out/perform doable side hustles that pique my interest. But an 80% savings rate–100% effort–24/7 availability approach to my job/time-intensive side hustle, even in the short term, isn’t just highly unrealistic given my circumstances, it’s also something that sounds horrible to me.
How no can you go . . .
I happen to have a pretty active “no” trigger. And while I love to say “Awww, yeah!” to things, I’m generally not shy about saying, “Ummm . . . no.” So, for example, when the posts I’ve been discussing trigger me to say,” no,” that’s usually the end of it.
But I get the sense that a lot of people aren’t like me. Generally that’s a commendable trait. But here, maybe not so much. Rather, when they’re cajoled or shamed into doing something they might not otherwise have done because “it’s just so easy!,” or “everyone is doing this, so why aren’t you?,” or “you absolutely need to do this to avoid being a failure less than you can be!,” they fold like a cheap table and run headlong down a path that’s wrong for them. Maybe they learn something about themselves in the process, which can be fantastic. But, I think, better to first take a deep breath, think about things, and be mindful of how to proceed. Maybe a wrong decision is made. But it likely won’t be due to haste or caving to pressure.
Group think
On the subject of FIRE, I think that a lot of these people posting insistently on social media that “It’s hardcore or nothing!” do a great disservice. I suspect that a lot of people see the posts and fall into one of two potentially unfortunate camps.
First is the group that is immediately turned off to FIRE and never gives it a shot, even in a far less extreme way than those pursuing it hardcore.
In the real world, of course, one can take a wide range of approaches to achieving FIRE, in terms of tactics, strategies, and intensity. None are wrong. Sure, the speed at which different peoples’ objectives are achieved will vary depending on things like savings/investing rates, income streams, and the like. Because math. But at any speed, it’s heading in the right direction. Turning someone off of making positive changes because they can’t go hardcore seems to me very unfortunate.
Second is the group that the group that goes full bore right off the bat, discovers that that leads to a miserable life, and then quits pursuing FIRE altogether, never to return and bad mouthing it from thereon out.
As much as many of us pursuing FIRE are are all in and have read enough/know enough to be aware of the math, hacks, and opportunities and pitfalls, FIRE is far from being mainstream. Anyone who’s not at least a little leery of it at first probably isn’t thinking hard enough. I don’t think it takes much convincing to be sold, but due diligence certainly is in order. Especially as to determining the right approach and speed. Suggestions that someone look into FIRE seem to me to be a far better approach to helping people make mindful decisions more likely to lead to the right choice for the reader.
Best, in my mind, to be mindful. Listen, think, analyze, plan, execute, and adjust as necessary. All at a pace and in a way tailored to the individual.
And in the end . . .
Dear Reader, lest this blog post be misread, I’ll state for the record that I can be—and often am—a pretty positive-minded guy. And someone who typically loves hearing new ideas/ways of doing things. I mean, for example, hardcore travel hacking wasn’t something I was even remotely bright enough to think of on my own, after all. But as I’ve admitted before on this here blog, I also carry with me an impressive degree of cynicism and also have on occasion been alarmed (tho not surprised, I suppose) to find my picture in some dictionaries next to the word “curmudgeon.” So, yeah, I’m not all sunshine and roses. But, hey, at least I’m no Debbie Downer.
Good points. There’s an important difference between not going full-steam ahead out of mediocrity and laziness rather than as a deliberate choice to just focus efforts elsewhere. I’m just as guilty as anyone of assuming people fall into the first camp when they actually might fall into the second. And I’m with you–the motivational Twittersphere is too much to handle.
Oh, yeah. I would have thought I’d love those tweets with motivational bon mots, but I discovered that as with so much else: everything in moderation.