Well, What Do You No?

Pursuing FIRE is pretty straightforward. Maybe not easy or quick. For some, perhaps not even realistic. But straightforward. 

Distilled to its essence, you need to spend less than you bring in and smart(ish)ly invest the difference. Perhaps in broad, low-cost index funds, real estate, or a business, for example. The bigger the spread and the return on investment, the quicker you reach your goal. It’s just a numbers game. 

A, B, See?

Yet some still wonder how it can be that Person A and Person B, who earn the same amount of money each year, share the same FIRE goals, and follow the same plan described above, can reach the point where they can actually FIRE at points many years apart from each other. It’s the same numbers game. Just some of the critical numbers (such as savings and investment rates) are different, of course.

Oftentimes, an important distinction is that Person A has a certain problem that Person B doesn’t have. That problem? saying “no” to pressure from others. 

For reasons I only sort of understand, I’ve found that people have a remarkably hard time saying and sticking to, “no.” Staggeringly hard, in fact. I mean, they know the word and what it means, of course. And while their brain may scream to them that they say it in this or that situation, their mouth and will-power conduct an effective counter-offensive.

What do I mean? Let me illustrate.

Out to lunch

Imagine you’re working hard one morning at your workplace (outside the home). You brought your lunch, as you always do. But late that morning, your coworker says to you, “Hey! This has been one busy morning, amiright? Wanna go to that new foodie food hall and grab lunch? I’ve heard that place rocks! We can badmouth the boss, to boot!” 

“Well, it would be good to get out and not eat at my desk. And the boss has been working us like dogs all week. It’d be nice to blow off some steam,” you think. So, although you don’t need to eat out, and after uttering sheepish, “well, I brought my lunch, so . . . “—to which your colleague says, “awww, come on!”—you say, “yes” to your colleague.

Later—not particularly impressed with the foodie food hall that allegedly rocked, and having spent extra time at lunch that you wish you’d instead used to finish your project so as to get out of work at a more reasonable hour, and $25 lighter—you reconsider your “yes.”

Party on

Now imagine that your close buddy who lives 1,000 miles away invites you to a milestone birthday party. Maybe your buddy sent you the invitation just to be nice, not expecting that you’d actually make the trip. Whatever the case, the invitation was extended. 

You’d really like to celebrate with your friend, and you’re somewhat of a travel hacker, so you can drive down the expense by paying for your flight with airline points. As for the two days of sleeping accommodations you’ll need, you know that your buddy has an extra bedroom in their house and a sofa bed in another room. This buddy also all but certainly would happily put you up, too. You’d unquestionably do the same if the shoe was on the other foot.

But other friends you discuss this with tell you that even just asking to stay at your buddy’s place would be weird. Really weird. They add, dismissively, that you just have to suck it up and pay for a hotel. You do some research and find that you can stay at a cheapish hotel for $75/night. “Well,” you think to yourself, “my buddy will be busy with the party that weekend, and I guess it would be weird to ask to stay at their place, and $150 for two nights at a hotel isn’t that much.” So, you don’t say, “no,” to what you kinda still think is nonsense advice from your friends, and instead say “yes” to booking the hotel.

Later—after your buddy says to you, “You know, you could have stayed with us. Why didn’t you just ask?!,” and $150 lighter—you reconsider your “yes.”

Rooming house

Now imagine that you’re looking to move from your current residence. Not sure if you want to buy or rent, you pursue both options and ultimately narrow your choices down to two of each. One of the places to buy costs $25,000 more than the other, and one of the rentals costs $300/month more than the other. Each place is equal in all relevant respects except one: the more expensive options have an extra bedroom. 

Now, you have little or no real need for that extra bedroom. Each place under consideration has bedrooms for everyone in your household. But you’ve shared your residence-hunting endeavor with friends and family. And they’re telling you that you really do need an extra bedroom. Because where else are guests who sleep over going to stay?! 

But you can’t remember the last time anyone slept over at your place. Except for friends of the kids, who sleep in the kids’ rooms anyway. The likelihood of a parade—or even a trickle—of people sleeping over at your place in the future is pretty dim, too. And if anyone does sleep over, you can suck it up, have your guest(s) sleep on your bed, and you sleep on a blow-up bed you have.

Your family and friends are pretty insistent, tho. And they’re all smart and looking out for your best interests, right? Second-guessing yourself, you think, “maybe they do know better, after all.” So, you say, “yes” to one of the places with the extra bedroom. 

Years later—long since having confirmed that your overnight-house guest reservations have, in fact, hovered around the “exceptionally rare” level, and tens of thousands of dollars lighter—you reconsider your “yes.”

Yes and no

Let me be clear. Saying “yes” is great and should almost always be on the table when making a decision. In none of the situations that I described above would a “yes” unequivocally be the wrong choice. There’s no shortage of good things that probably came from a “yes” in each case, too. That lunch you took was a nice respite from eating at your desk, and you got to blow off steam about the boss. Your hotel in your buddy’s city was nice, and you didn’t have to make what you were told would be a “weird” ask to see if you could instead stay at your buddy’s place. And the place with the extra bedroom did come in handy those three times in five years that someone slept over. The room provides convenient extra storage space, too. If the room was in a place you bought, you’ll also likely reap part (and maybe all or more) of the cost of it back when you sell, also.

But for those of us who aren’t baller trust fund beneficiaries or owners of prodigious money trees, we have to make tradeoffs in life. In each scenario above (and oh, so many more that come up every day) there were plenty of objectively good reasons to say “no.” Yet so many wouldn’t do so. And they’d find themselves, in just these three scenarios, tens of thousands of dollars less wealthy than those who didn’t give in to pressure from others. 

So, weigh the pros and cons when faced with a decision that’ll cost money and dispassionately determine what’s really the best option for you at the time and as to your long-term objectives. Make smart choices, don’t give in to pressure from others, and say “yes” when it truly makes sense for you. 

And in the end . . . 

But remember that numbers game. To no small extent it’s a “NOmbers game.” Hey now! Sorry, Dear Reader, that pun even made me wince. Hard. 

Anyway, who among us can say “no?” Everyone. I know it’s not nobody but me.