Within a day or two of each other earlier this year, I read a blog post by Purple, of A Purple Life, titled “My Life Goal Is Contentment, Not Happiness,” and listened to a podcast interview of Steve-O (of Jackass fame) on comedian and podcaster Neal Brennan’s excellent Blocks podcast.
Purple explains in her blog post that she’d recently read Morgan Housel’s book, The Art of Spending, and was intrigued by its analysis of “happiness” vs. “contentment.”
Writes Purple, “The Art of Spending describes this dichotomy very well. Happiness is basically a burst of dopamine. It’s great, but fleeting and when that quick rush is over, you’re back to chasing another hit of dopamine—more and more fleeting happiness. And the addiction language is intentional.”
She then explains, “On almost the flip side of happiness, is contentment—it’s a less wild, but enduring emotion. It’s how I feel when I snuggle up in my favorite fluffy blanket with hot tea and a good book in our cozy apartment. It’s the warmth in my chest when I walk down the fall leaf-filled streets to visit my family in our small town. It’s looking out the window of my apartment and smiling at the sunrise bursting with color over the mountains while my partner sleeps beside me.”
She adds, “I’ve tried chasing happiness and it was a fool’s errand. . . . I was very fortunate that I actually achieved all the goals I set for myself that I was promised would make me happy . . . forever. And none of it did. Not even for a little while.” Also, “I hit all of my contentment goals and I’ve mentioned in posts before that I’m the happiest I’ve ever been and that’s true.”
On the flipside, Steve-O in his interview (which was wide ranging and not specifically about happiness and/or contentment), says, “. . . I don’t want to be happy, because I think like ‘happy’ like is, uh, synonymous with ‘content.’ Right? Like, ‘content’ sounds dangerously close to ‘lazy.’”
Lemme first iron out an apparent incongruence between the definitions used by Purple and Steve-O. (As an aside, can I just say that “Purple and Steve-O” would be a fantastic band name. I see you nodding your head, Dear Reader. I’m glad we agree on this point.) I take Purple as concluding that “contentment” is an all-enveloping, consistent good feeling that only goes away when one no longer is able to feel said contentment. And “happiness” can often come from dopamine hits, but can also follow from contentment. In Purple’s mind, the latter is lasting, and the former fleeting.
On the contrary, Steve-O equates “contentment” with “laziness,” and almost spits hostility toward the feeling and (for him), its semantic equivalent, “happiness.” All but the polar opposite of Purple’s thoughts on the matter.
Enough already
I don’t necessarily agree with either’s (loose) definitions, tho I’m far closer to Purple’s. Notwithstanding the nomenclature and definitions each uses, I think the heart of the matter is the concept of “enough.”
In that context, I take Purple as contending that “enough” is wanting and being entirely satisfied with mostly simple pleasures. Reaching this state being The One True Goal.
Steve-O, I think, would turn his nose up at that. Rather, I think he’d argue that The One True Goal is striving, seeking to better oneself, and always pursuing Big Goals.
Framed another way, Purple’s thesis calls to my mind “stillness.” Contentment being an end in itself. Steve-O’s calls to mind (constant) “motion.”
Color me Team Purple on all this.
Why? Well, for many of the same reasons that Jordan Grumet, in his book The Purpose Code, contends that pursuing “little p” purpose is a far better pursuit than “big P” purpose. That is, that small, joyful pursuits are more sustainable, fulfilling, and ultimately more likely to produce a meaningful life than chasing Big Goals.
Why live a conventionally “bigger” or more “complex” life than desired? Sounds to me too much like feeling pressure to do things. A “smaller” or “simpler” and entirely pleasing life seems far better and satisfying.
Smaller is bigger
Make no mistake, I’m not saying to live in a van down by the river, living off the land and reading books from the library all day, every day. Unless that’s what you want and it beings you unbridled joy. In which case I say go for it! I’m no more advocating living a smaller life than desired any more than I’m advocating living a bigger life than desired.
I’m also not arguing that one shouldn’t try new things when the fancy strikes. Big things even. I’m all for that, too.
Rather, if one finds total peace living a “smaller/simpler” life, then one ought to live it unapologetically. Seems to me that it comes down to taming the restless soul. Wresting it into submission via a “smaller/simpler” life seems easier and far lower maintenance than a never-ending pursuit of a “bigger/complex” life.
I think Steve-O would bristle at living a “smaller/simpler” life. Not because he wasn’t satisfied with it, even if he gave it a shot and found that he could be. But because he didn’t think he should be satisfied with it. Also, that he cares what others think of him and his life and feels they’d be disappointed with him living a “smaller/simpler” life.
Purple, on the other hand, seems to have completely stopped caring what anyone thinks about her living a smaller/simpler life. And certainly feels no pressure to materially change things.
I think this way, too. As a result, my daily contentment and happiness tanks are usually full. If and when the fancy strikes to pursue a Big(ger) Goal, I’ll assess it against the backdrop of my current situation. Even if the activity/goal seems fun, if I think it’ll materially muck up my daily contentment and happiness, I’m far more likely to reject it. Or at least engage in a rigorous cost-benefit analysis of said mucking up. I care not one whit whether others think the Big(ger) Goal is really cool and one I should absolutely pursue.
And in the end . . .
It’s a high bar for me to pursue a Big(ger) Goal. I like it that way. After all, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
